Blog # 86…October 2018
I just returned from Washington where I saw a t-shirt that
read Make America Kind Again. I’m sure I'm not the only
one finding the world a more turbulent and meaner place than usual. The social stability in the US seems seriously
damaged and, as well as sharing the continent, we suffer some overflow through
the insistence of CNN. So much to catch
our attention and raise our anxiety level.
I was particularly attracted to a couple of recent newspaper headlines (I still prefer to digest material that way) Maybe Girls Will Save Us, and Two Cheers for Feminism. I’ve been reading and thinking a lot about
boys lately and intending to explore their world. Now it seems more interesting
to look at both girls and boys and how the stories children read and hear give
them hints, maybe even rules, about who they are and will be and how they’ll
make their way in the world and change ours.
Although, up to a certain point, both boys and girls seem to
express themselves pretty equally (allowing for personalities and situations) at some point most girls are encouraged to express their emotions - and focus on their appearance - by stories and what they see in the world around
them. Rage Becomes Her, and Good and Mad have both appeared in the
past few weeks, giving us a picture of women’s anger, how difficult it is to
express, how it’s interpreted and the conflicted reception it receives. Girls
(and women) face pressure to be popular, pretty and successful, in a system that still discriminates against their ambitions
- lots to be angry about.
A couple of months ago, a piece by Rachel Giese in the Globe
and Mail read Fears for Tears, referring
to her book Boys: What it means to Become
a Man. The pressure for males not to show emotion in public is
crushing and the roles they're assigned limiting. As they grow up, boys get stories
of action and the value of physical strength, not much about the consequence of their actions or encouragement to look at the future... I sometimes wonder if re-introducing
some of the primitive rituals of entering manhood might be healthier than the
drinking games that have taken their place with many teenagers.
Snakes and snails and puppy dogs tails … sugar and spice and
everything nice - time we left those images behind; neither captures the
complexity of kids’ identity or equips them for the world they’re entering. We’re
all being confronted with shifting images of gender identity – our own and
others. I’ve been in many discussions, you probably have too, about the relative
influence of genetics and environment, as if either nature or nurture were more
important...not that simple is it? Roles
are shifting too, women are working at all kinds of jobs, men are taking care
of households and children. But, in
general, we’re still stuck in some old notions of what males and females should
look, act and sound like. An uneasiness with change pervades us at the same
time as we welcome it. Some people handle it better than others...in general we prefer predictability, uncertainty can make us mad as well as uncomfortable.
So, what’s my point here?
Stories are important. People are different. Listen to each other and be
open to differences. Don't just think binary in any realm. Take a deep breath rather than leaning on the horn. Take a screen holiday. Don’t be afraid of
your anger if you’re a woman, or to be tender if you’re a man. Keep calm and carry on.
I wish I’d bought that t-shirt
